


The One Where Yunho's A Hapless Pervert

by countingcr0ws



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Absolutely no character development, Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Bad Writing, Blow Jobs, Changmin and Yunho are friends, Crying, Exhibitionism, Humiliation, Jaejoong and Yoochun are friends, Jaejoong has that adorable coconut tree fringe thing going on, Junsu does not exist here, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mirotic Era!Jaejoong, Multiple Orgasms, Obsessive tagging, Orgasm Delay/Denial, PWP, Rutting, Singer!Jaejoong, Situational Humiliation, Stylist!Jaejoong, Verbal Humiliation, Yoochun runs a theatre company, active pervertism, auditory voyeurism, floor fucking, graphic designer!Jaejoong, lawyer!Yunho, lololololol, perverts, thin walls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/countingcr0ws/pseuds/countingcr0ws
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: So we’ve never met but our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we’re showering at the same time and we sing duets. / Sometimes we’re showering at the same time and I can hear you moaning.</p>
<p>or The one where Yunho wanks off to Jaejoong wanking off after mentioning him wanking off to Jaejoong wanking off before wanking off as Jaejoong wanks off to him wanking off before ending with Yunho watching Jaejoong wank off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Yunho's A Hapless Pervert

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from [here](http://ciaoloueh.tumblr.com/post/116791213008/awful-aus-so-weve-never-met-but-our-showers).
> 
> TW: Mentions of Yunho having an affair with white chocolate.

Yunho sat up quickly at the gurgle of the pipes, listening avidly in faint reminiscence of a startled antelope scenting in the savannah grasslands as his fingers set the Nth video he had watched that night to a pause distractedly. Shooting out of his seat at the familiar screech of the heater working in the adjacent apartment, Yunho scrambled to unfasten the clasp of his dress pants as he cursed at his suddenly clumsy fingers. Yelping at the near fall when his feet tangled at the mess of clothes that he had just shed, Yunho bolted for the toilet in complete starkers as his sizeable flaccid genitalia flopped against his legs at the delightful combination of freedom and quick movements.  
Jumping when the water that streamed out touched his skin, the man’s prior excitement shrivelled miserably like his balls as he blinked miserably under the cold deluge. 

Reaching for his shampoo with trembling fingers, he reasoned with the voice in his head (that sounded quite terribly like his meanest friend Changmin) that he needed a bath in the first place, and that no, he wasn’t being a big pervert, running for the bath the moment his neighbour’s pipes screeched. Besides, he didn’t do this every day, dammit.

Massaging the shampoo furiously into his hair, Yunho kept half an ear out for his faceless neighbour. The apartment beside his had been unoccupied for ages after the lovely Hispanic couple moved out months ago after realising that they were expecting a child, and suddenly he had returned home blearily one day to see pairs of shoes outside the apartment.

His ambition to become a partner in the law firm that he was working for had him committing to ridiculous and frankly quite inhumane hours. Beyond maintaining his jogging schedule and suicidal work load, he spent his spare time catching up on sleep and languishing in bizarre thoughts that ranged from paranoia that his dark chocolate knew about his affair with white chocolate and the calculation of the possibility of take up rate among bees if he converted his living room to a beehive to provide for their imminent endangerment. So when he finally came to the realisation that societal conventions probably deemed it only polite to welcome his neighbour to the block, weeks had passed and his guilt quickly morphed into shame, and the crippling hesitance to do so had lasted till the present moment, compounding with elapsed time.

And then one day his neighbour had slammed the need to catch up on popular culture into his already jam-packed schedule, in a bizarre filled tale coated generously with aforementioned mean friend Changmin’s undiluted disgust. 

The story would begin with his neighbour’s singing filtering across the thin walls between their apartments when they both happened to shower the first time since faceless neighbour moved in. The man had very impossibly sang Dongbangshinki’s Please Stop Time in perfect Japanese (how was this not an important detail, Changmin?) coincidentally reigniting his dormant fanboy feelings (read: busy life) as he harmonized without hesitation, the duet finishing flawlessly to an enthusiastic applause from the man. 

They never talked beyond singing though, quite a shame to Yunho’s opinion but his guilt over his prior lack of welcome for the neighbour stopped him from initiating a conversation. With regards to the singing, the man’s voice had a good range in contrast to Yunho’s stubborn baritone and the faceless neighbour scaled his octaves easily without breaking a sweat, a skill that appealed greatly to the lawyer’s enthusiastic dick that always stood in attention whenever it happened. 

The part that he would leave out during his relation to Changmin would be how his dick had been conditioned to twitch whenever he came across males scaling octaves, regardless of the proprietary of the situation. It was frankly quite embarrassing but that wasn’t the main point, the main point being that faceless neighbour sometimes sang non Dongbangshinki songs too and the inability to harmonize frustrated Yunho, which had seen him expanding his pop culture knowledge to accommodate the man. It made his life much busier in the three way balancing act but at times he couldn’t imagine not bathing together with faceless neighbour, and that wasn’t even when faceless neighbour was beating one off.

Yunho groaned to himself as he glided his hand across the planes of his torso when his dick jumped at the fond recollections of those exquisite moments. He wasn’t quite sure why faceless neighbour would wank off in his presence given faceless neighbour's inclination to moan whenever he was close especially given the established knowledge that sounds filtered through the thin wall, but he definitely wasn’t going to complain anyway. 

While the singing and masturbation were mutually exclusive events during a bath time, the lawyer enjoyed both equally without discrimination. The sort-of voyeurism made him vibrate with an illicit thrill and he would beat off with faceless neighbour whenever it happened, imagining a strong arm and a pretty dick as he listened to the wanton moans and the broken pleas to be fucked harder. 

It was simply quite impossible to properly convey faceless neighbour’s dirty-talking expertise though. Yunho had in fact, experienced the most violent orgasm in his life thanks to faceless neighbour's dirty talk as the man pleasured himself with what Yunho assumed to be a vibrator to the shower. 

Yunho had listened to the man whimper at the ‘need for your (his) big Daddy cock’ before crying at the sensations wrecking his body and begging Daddy to ‘ram my (his) boy pussy harder, please, Daddy’ only to reach an impossible whine with his amazing vocal chords when he came. Yunho had promptly blacked out with the geyser that spouted from his dickhead, only coming to seconds later on the floor of his toilet with faceless neighbour still going at it, this time crying as whined ‘no’s and ‘I can’t take it, Daddy, please’s while he continued to fuck himself ruthlessly with his vibrator. Yunho had nearly broken his cock that day as he forced himself to not demolish the wall between their toilets.

Feeling an overwhelming disappointment when faceless neighbour didn’t break into a song in the present moment as he finished soaping himself, Yunho progressed to wash the suds off only to freeze at the faint sound of breathlessness from the other side of the wall. Palming his dick roughly as the moans became more distinct, he pressed an ear against the wet tiles. Up down, up down, he coached himself as he brought up the constructed image of faceless neighbour as he imagined the just-right weight of faceless neighbour’s pretty pink dick in his mouth and the musky scent of the man's genitals with his pubes pressed against his nose. 

As his fingers sped up with the imagined speed of his blowjob, he listened avidly over the polite cover of his shower as faceless neighbour slowly came undone, the pitch of his moans increasing. Their release was simultaneous given Yunho’s practice in the synchronisation of his orgasm to faceless neighbour’s. 

Running his secrete-coated hand under the shower, Yunho grinned dopily to himself as he washed the mess off his torso. He never did feel much guilt in the toilet directly after his aided wanks, the emotion largely confined to the bedroom before sleep. Stepping out of his shower with a happy sigh, Yunho dried himself off before turning in without cleaning up the tangle of clothes he had left on the floor of his room.

\- - - - -

Yunho raced about his apartment to round up the mess of clothes on the floor before dumping them unceremoniously into his oversized hamper. Picking his clothes out individually as he sniffed them appraisingly, he groaned to himself when he reached the bottom without successfully finding a dirty-but-clean-enough shirt that wasn't contaminated by the sour stench his exercise gear.

“Coming!” He yelled in frustration when the doorbell rang, shoving all his clothes back into the hamper as he cursed himself for not doing his laundry earlier.

“What,” he greeted gruffly as the smile on the stranger's face reduced to a blank stare. “How can I help you?” He corrected reluctantly as he combed his fingers through his wet hair in frustration.

“Wear a shirt,” the man blurted before segueing into a coughing fit. “By wearing a shirt,” the man clarified as Yunho forced the urge to cross his arms over his chest down. 

“I was finding a shirt.” The lawyer defended. “How can I help you by wearing a shirt when I stopped finding a shirt to help you in the first place? Then maybe you shouldn't have came then I wouldn't have to help you so I could help you.”

The man looked faintly impressed as the corner of his lips curved upwards.

“Thanks,” Yunho stated evenly as he raised his eyebrows indicating for the man to state his business.

“So I heard that you were home. And I was going to bake a cake only that I have no salt. Could you spare me some salt?”

“How did you-“ Yunho frowned as he processed the information, flushing brightly when he made the connection. This was faceless neighbour! Faceless neighbour had heard him getting ready! 

“Come in,” he hurriedly mumbled as he made a beeline for his kitchen, refusing to think about faceless neighbour’s doe eyes and the pushed-up sleeves that revealed the strength of his arms. In fact, faceless neighbour was kind of pretty in a masculine way, his thin Henley clinging to his shapely physique indicating maintenance as Yunho filed away the sight of faceless neighbour’s erect nipples that poked out from his shirt, vying for attention even under the cover of cotton. But yeah, not thinking about that.

“So…” faceless neighbout began conversationally as he appraised the living room while Yunho banged around his cupboards. “Laundry day?”

Yunho sighed in frustration as he pulled his container of salt out. “I wish,” he groused as the man thanked him. “I need to go to a concert with a colleague that I don’t remember agreeing to and I don’t have even have a single appropriate clean shirt.” He grimaced wryly as they walked towards the door. Faceless neighbour’s brows raised in amusement and Yunho felt minutely grateful that the man had not explicitly laughed at his predicament.

“Would you like to borrow a shirt?” Faceless neighbour offered as he stood at the lawyer’s mat.

“What-“ Yunho paused as he appraised the man’s frame. They were almost the same, and he definitely didn’t have enough time to do his laundry.

“Come on,” faceless neighbour called out as he held his door open for Yunho.

“What kind of concert is it?” Faceless neighbour asked as he set the salt onto the counter with his cake-making ingredient and utensils, his house neat and bright to Yunho’s messy man-cave.

“An outdoor concert with some girl group that my friend likes being the main act.” He blanched as faceless neighbour laughed lightly, a melody to Yunho’s ears.

“You don’t appreciate girl groups?” The man teased as he pulled his cupboard door open. “Try this,” faceless neighbour offered as he pushed a slim cut navy three-quarter button down to Yunho. “It’ll go well with your white bottoms, kind of dressed up but more casual than your work shirts.”

Yunho hurried to comply as he slipped his arms into the sleeves, his fingers clumsy once more, this time with the attention. “I don’t think,” he blushed when the shirt refused to close at his chest.

Faceless neighbour gaped a little before looking away with a cough as his cheeks pinked. “Maybe less dressed up,” he mumbled to himself as he pulled out a black top. Quickly shrugging out of the shirt, Yunho switched shirts with his neighbour as he pulled it down his neck. It fit snuggly and the lawyer blushed at his faceless neighbour's appreciative look.

“You should probably wax your hair away from your face in a pompadour,” he advised as he reached out to comb the lawyer’s back with a moue of disapproval. Yunho swallowed silently, shocked by faceless neighbour’s casualness just as the man jumped in shock, as if finally noticing that his hand had wandered.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” he hurriedly apologized as he busied himself with returning the navy shirt to his cupboard. “I’m the occasional in-house stylist for my friend’s theatre company and I don’t notice when I do that,” he explained in embarrassment as Yunho shook off the shiver in his body.

“Occasional?” Yunho clarified with a thick voice as they walked towards the door.

“Yeah,” faceless neighbour nodded as he leaned against his doorway. “Jack of all trades, master of some. I style for his company, do some freelance graphic design and sometimes sing at a pub.” Jaejoong elaborated before breaking into a grin. “Would I appeal more to you than a girl group?” He joked as Yunho laughed easily.

“You should probably go after you, you know,” he mimed combing his hair back with his fingers. “Thanks for the salt and have fun at the concert,” he said as Yunho nodded with a smile, waving before returning to his apartment.

As Changmin whined incessantly later about how put together Yunho looked and how unfair it was that all the girls were looking at him when he didn’t even swing that way, Yunho realised belatedly that he hadn’t even caught stylish neighbour’s name.

\- - - - -

Yunho stood outside stylish neighbour’s house the next day with the man’s cleaned and ironed shirt in his hand as he waited for the man to answer the door.

“Yeah?” Stylish neighbour greeted, strains of music filtering from the open door as he broke into a grin at the sight of Yunho. “Finally did your laundry?” The man teased as he took the hanger over. 

Following the other without taking his eyes off the small ponytail of fringe that stood cutely atop stylish neighbour’s head.

“Were you working?” Yunho asked as stylish neighbour compensated him a hanger.

“Yeah, but nothing more important than a visit from my favourite neighbour,” the man teased as Yunho rolled his eyes, slowly getting used to the way his neighbour conversed.

“I didn’t even welcome you when you moved in,” Yunho protested as he took his salt container over from the man.

“Don’t you like it when people say that you’re nice?” The man asked incredulously as he rummaged through his own cupboards.

“I obviously appreciate a compliment but not when it’s not warranted,” Yunho explained as stylish neighbour laughed. “Oh, cake!” He exclaimed in excitement to the man’s amusement.

“You couldn't welcome me because you're a busy man,” his neighbour argued on Yunho’s behalf as he lifted a slice of the marble cake onto the plate.

“Not as busy as you though,” Yunho defended as he took a seat at the dining table, tucking into the cake as his neighbour sat opposite him on the rectangle table, watching him with a faint smile.

“But they’re not full time jobs,” stylish neighbour responded. “I just want to do many things all at once.” He grinned as Yunho made an appreciative noise at the cake.

“You’re really a master at all trades,” Yunho complimented to the man’s bright laughter as he watched breathlessly at the long line of the man’s pale neck when he threw his head back, a hand over his smile.

“Anyway,” his neighbour began after collecting himself while Yunho attacked the cake vehemently to distract himself. “Two things. I need your name because I can’t keep calling you 'favourite neighbour' and I need to know what you work as. I could guess though seeing the amount of dress shirts in your laundry but I don’t want to.”

Yunho’s brows raised at his nickname. “I’m Jung Yunho,” he introduced, setting his fork down as he extended his hand politely. “I’m a lawyer at Bayer and Mephis.”

“Fancy,” Jaejoong teased with an insistent wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Come on, your turn,” Yunho urged as he finished the slice of cake. “This feels so strangely adulty,” Jaejoong complained as he leaned his torso against the table without offering his hand. “I’m Kim Jaejoong, part-time stylist for 6002 productions, a freelance graphic designer and a singer for bars.” He burst into laughter when he finished, to Yunho’s blank look.

“I still can’t believe that you’re a lawyer though. You’ve got a pretty good voice, you know,” he laughed even harder when Yunho flushed in embarrassment. “You’re such a respectable individual, seriously. I’m so proud of you, my gosh.” He stated as he straightened only for Yunho to turn a deeper shade of red at the pleasure that he felt.

“I don’t like it when you keep making fun of me,” Yunho mumbled in complain to the other man’s indignant yelp.

“I’m not making fun of you!” He defended ardently as Yunho continued to sulk in a ploy to get more cake in compensation.

\- - - - -

Their friendship progressed quickly after their second meeting, as Jaejoong gave him homemade sweets while they occasionally talked about their day after harmonizing during their concurrent baths. Jaejoong also mandated weekly cleans ups of the lawyer’s apartment, ignoring Yunho’s vocal complains that lacked any heat as the lawyer began to find himself appreciative of his increased quality of life.

The only problem was that Jaejoong hadn’t beaten off in the toilet for an entire month ever since they began to hang out and after a creepy schedule of wanking off to the man’s orgasm weekly after the man had moved in, Yunho’s penis had become unaccustomed to the celibacy that it had originally been subjected to with its owner's busy schedule. His balls were full and his penis felt horribly swollen sometimes, responding inappropriately on its own accord especially in Jaejoong’s presence. The unfortunate arrangement made their weekly movie nights uncomfortable and as his productivity at work decreased during the day, he had to compensate by sacrificing his sleep which made it even more impossible to schedule a routine orgasm.

As his slightly swollen penis nestled against his abdomen, straining against the waistband of his briefs while he tried his utmost best to focus on his work, Yunho sighed as surrendered to the need to milk himself. He groaned at the thought of how Jaejoong had turned him into a cow as he undressed himself in the toilet. 

It was slightly after midnight and he had been too busy catching up on his cases to wash up after knocking off. Stepping under the showerhead, the man steadfastly ignored his now erect penis that was responding to the explicit memories tied to the location. 

Slowly soaping himself, he thumbed at his weeping dickhead lightly, groaning at the thrill that shot through his body. Leaning against the glass door, he imagined Jaejoong between his legs, his mischievous eyes glinting up at him as he made a kitten lick with the pink tongue that he loved to stick out from the corner of his mouth when in deep thought. The small licks would tease him, make his dick weep in desperation as his body shivered.  
He would plead for Jaejoong to stop teasing and the man would instead circle the base of his dick and balls, sticking a finger into his hole as he asked condescendingly if Yunho deserved it. 

Yunho would begin to groan as Jaejoong stretched him, calling him a filthy whore for the way he cocked his hips for the man’s easy access only for the man to pull his fingers out in disgust. Yunho would plead for the man to release his clit, please, because it hurt and Jaejoong would take no care as he began massaging his perineum in response, nosing against the tip of his engorged crown. 

Jaejoong’s hand would be relentless, kneading Yunho’s prostate externally as Yunho began to whimper about how it was too much, please, don’t, only for the man to tighten around his base just as Yunho’s body began to convulse, rushing towards release only to be denied. 

Yunho would begin to cry like the baby that he was, and Jaejoong would release him only after his body stopped convulsing, ordering him to rub himself off the floor. Rushing to comply, Yunho would fall onto the man’s feet, warm with embarrassment as he began to rut himself against the rough stone tiles like a bitch in heat as the shower continued to run above him. The friction would hurt the sensitive skin of his penis head but it would feel so good, and he would keep plunging at the angle, impaling the floor with his dick, crying shamefully as snot mixed with tears on his face as Jaejoong called him an ugly slut, pressing his face down with his feet. 

Yunho would blink against the water on the tiles, the disgraceful motions of his hips never breaking despite the humiliation because his clit deserved nothing but the tiles, his clit wanted the tiles. Finally the sensations would build and then he would break, tipping over as he came with a wail from fucking the floor just as Jaejoong’s warm cum landed onto his face, mixing with the evidences of his inadequacy.

 

\- - - - -

The week progressed swimmingly after his illustrious floor-fucking orgasm and he returned to his prior productivity level much to Changmin’s relieve after his steadily climbing impatience and heavy-handed concern about his friend’s career. Returning home exuberantly for a dinner that Jaejoong was preparing that night, Yunho set his briefcase down beside his sofa as he undid the knot of his tie, pushing his sleeves up as he wandered towards his room. 

He was a little early having completed his work quickly, and as he returned his tie into his drawer, he wondered whether to change out of his work attire as he eyed himself in the mirror. Deciding that he could return home to change if Jaejoong suggested otherwise, Yunho shrugged to himself as he locked up after him before letting himself into Jaejoong’s house to help the man with dinner only to freeze at the sight of Jaejoong bouncing on a vibrating dildo suctioned to the floor of his own living room while moaning his name brokenly.

Gasping when he noticed Yunho at the corner of his eye, Jaejoong fell onto the dildo in shock, blushing fire-engine red as his hands immediately moved to cover his genitals. “Yunho I can-“ he broke off with a moan as the vibrator continued to work, teasing his prostate as he scrambled to lift himself up only to fall back down, weak-kneed. The toy continued to work relentlessly as the man began to cry in shame, covering his face as his penis continued to weep in pride despite the situation. 

Yunho’s felt his mouth dry at the sight of his naked neighbour, a first visual to the sounds that he had become more than familiar with over the half year or so that Jaejoong had moved in.

“Please, Yunho,” Jaejoong warbled in shame as the vibrator buzzed on silently without care, sobbing harder as his legs began to tighten as a white noise built inside his head. His asshole clenched the final time before his body rushed towards shameful release as pleasure coiled low in his belly, the taste of copper spreading on his tongue. 

Cum spurted out in violent ropes from Jaejoong's cock, landing messily on his chest and face. The man began to cry harder as the vibrator continued faithfully. 

Weak and ineffectual, the man’s legs crumpled under him like a fawn’s as his body rebelled, his cock filling harder than before despite the oversensitivity of his prostate.

“Please, Yunho. Please,” the man called for help desperately, his eyes scrunching up in pain as the lawyer moved forward hesitatingly. Jaejoong was a beautiful sight naked before him, his body wrecked by conflicted sensations, his voice musical as he begged. 

But before Yunho could help Jaejoong up, the man’s fists clenched as a broken sob was wrung out of him, his back arching minutely as his cock spurted violently once more, most of the cum landing on his face this time. 

The volume of Jaejoong's sobs increased in shame while his chest heaved with exhaustion as the vibrator whirled away quietly. Hushing the man apologetically, Yunho hurriedly lifted the man up gently in bridal-carry towards the bedroom. Comforting his neighbour after placing him carefully on the bed, Yunho returned to switch the vibrator off after preparing a washcloth.

Returning to sight of Jaejoong on his side with his gaping asshole facing the room's entrance, Yunho felt his already hard cock twitch in excitement at the thought of how warm the cavern would feel around him. Clearing his head desperately, Yunho knelt before the bed as he wiped the man’s face carefully, quietly shushing his sobs.

-

Dinner was forgotten with Jaejoong crying himself to sleep in embarrassment while Yunho returned the ingredients that Jaejoong had prepared to the refrigerator. Undressing himself with a heavy sense of guilt, Yunho cradled his neighbour to sleep.

\- 

Filled with abashed faces, Jaejoong burst into tears once more in the morning after while Yunho made sloppy, slightly-burnt breakfast for the both of them as he apologized profusely for barging in early.

“I was just horny,” Jaejoong hiccoughed in defense of Yunho. “I shouldn’t even have done it in the first place,” he said into his plate without looking up.

“But I should have knocked and controlled myself better!” Yunho argued, waving furiously as he berated himself. “I was too aroused to even help you!” Jaejoong turned pink at the confession as he continued to shovel eggs into his mouth in evasion of the topic. “I mean when I returned to the sight of you on your bed, all I could think was how beautiful you looked writhing on the toy and what monster actually thinks that! You were so hurt but all I could think was how you would feel if I stuck it in!” He yelled in self-deprecation.

“That’s one of my kinks actually. It’s probably yours too, from your last toilet orgasm," Jaejoong mumbled with his head hung low. Yunho gaped in shock as Jaejoong continued. "But the situation yesterday wasn't right.”

 

"I think that we both have many things to confess to," Yunho confessed as Jaejoong looked up with a guilty smile. 

\- - - - - 

> Jaejoong: Right at my doorstep?? How gentlemanly of you! I feel so lucky!!!!!!!

>> Jaejoong: Are you sure you can return home before 7? :/ 

> Jaejoong: I don't put out at the first date!!! 

>> Jaejoong: And if you're back early, don't barge into my house!!!!

> Jaejoong: Please, I know your likes, Yunho. /squinty eyes

>> Jaejoong: BUT goodnight Mr. Hotshot Lawyer!!!!! You need to sleep early so you can finish your work early!

**Author's Note:**

> The black top that Jaejoong lent is Yunho's infamous 'Smoking Fags' shirt on 120208. The entire outfit described is Yunho's airport fashion on said date, bless me for the inappropriateness.


End file.
